One pull-free week.
I feel good (:
One pull-free week.
I feel good (:
So today I came to work ready to kill.
I got my full make up on and my laces real tight, an elegant, colorful dress, smooth black stockings and my nice black boots. The point is that when I feel beautiful, it’s almost like fighting gear for me. It’s like war paint for indians. I’m ready to deal with whatever comes my way. The corset straightens up my spine, making me taller and proud looking, and it does wonders to my self-esteem. It always have.
I’m also listening to ‘This is War’, by 30 Seconds to Mars. It’s the moment of truth and the moment to lie. The moment to fight.
Today I’m gonna solve this shitty gossip situation at work once and for all.
I’m so fuckin’ frustrated.
like they say, looks like it’s fuck-this-shit o’clock. I’m goin’ home.
Thank you dear :) I’m glad to have you!
It’s far from over yet, I know. But still.
Today something happened here at work… and it was very, very very… stressful. My boss gave me an unfair lecture. Really loud. And in a horrible way. He didn’t even let me explain myself, he just kept throwing words at me like they were weapons, and I started to lose my cool and I thought I was gonna cry.
Then I sent him two emails clarifying my side of the situation. I think I did a good job with words, and I think I made my point clear in a very objective, non-emotional way. Afterwards my boss’s wife (who also happens to be my boss, they’re associates) called me and told me I was right, but that I shouldn’t hold his burst against him, that he’s stressed and that he wasn’t thinking straight.
I was so shaken, I couldn’t stop crying. I got so nervous and frustrated I wanted to scream. I wanted to resign, I wanted to say I’m outta here, fuck you all.
Worst part is, everything was caused by gossip. Why can’t people just do their jobs and stop trying to make things bad for everyone else? I’m just doing my damn job. And I’m damn good at it.
Good thing is, during the whole thing I managed not to pull. Not a single hair.
I’m weirdly proud of myself, all in all.
I’m just lying here on my bed, hair all tucked under a hat and listening to Owl City. In a few minutes I’m gonna do my nightly routine and get ready to sleep, and pull-free day #4 will be done with.
Today I didn’t have a hat and I chose not to wrap medical tape on my fingers because I was at work and it looks weird… so I had to keep myself on check on my own (which was kinda difficult, but manageable in the end).
There was though a terrible moment when I was at my mom’s reading a story on my cellphone and my fingers picked the right strand of hair and were a second from pulling it out… and I noticed, and forced my hand down, saying “no!” out loud to myself, and then asked my mom to hold my hands for some minutes. That was so terribly close, I can’t believe I almost threw away 4 days of progress on a whim!
Good thing it gets easier and easier to stop… I feel like the urge diminishes day by day… and each increment on my number of days is more incentive for me not to pull.
I won’t pull again. Never again.
On to day 5! ^_^
Thank you very much <3 I’m glad to have you!
Silhouette - Owl City
I’ve been pulling a lot lately. I don’t like it, but I feels like I have no control over it, which is frustrating because I was doing so well a few weeks ago. I don’t know exactly when it got worse, but it was definitely a few days before I moved back to Minneapolis, which means probably about a week. A week’s worth of moderate pulling couldn’t do that much damage, right? I need to stop though, I really want to get this under control as I get my new life at school under control. I don’t have any room for my trich in my life anymore, I don’t want it, I don’t want to own it, I don’t want to be part of it, I just want to be done with it.
Grant me the power to overcome this.
You are so much stronger than trich. You were doing well a few weeks ago, and you’ll do well again. When we fall, we only need a moment to get on our feet again, you’ll see. I have my fingers crossed for you, beauty, and I’m sending you a bolt of strength with my words. You’ll beat trich!